[From June Issue 2010]

Most weddings in Japan start with a religious ceremony which usually only family members attend. Afterwards, a banquet is customarily held to which many people, including friends and colleagues, are invited. To celebrate the happy occasion, guests give the bride and groom goshuugi, or gift money in special envelopes. Goshuugi from friends is usually 20,000 yen or 30, 000 yen.

A typical Japanese wedding party starts when the bride and groom enter the banquet hall together, and take their seats on a slightly raised platform facing their guests. Invited guests are seated closer to the bride and groom, with family and relatives seated further in back. The bride’s and groom’s bosses usually give congratulatory speeches then friends sing in celebration. Other wedding highlights include a candle ceremony where the couple holds a candle while greeting their guests at each table, and the cutting of the wedding cake. Afterwards, the bride and groom thank their parents with a speech, then leave to end the party.

In the past, dishes that supposedly brought good fortune, such as prawns and sea breams, were served in abundance. So much of it was ordered that guests ended up taking the surplus home, unlike today, where the majority of the weddings serve just enough for everyone. Additionally, before leaving, guests would traditionally receive souvenir gifts called hikidemono. They used to be expensive dishware and bulky items that looked good, but today’s popular items are more lightweight and easy to take home gift catalogues from which guests can later choose an item they prefer.

Many wedding ceremonies take place at wedding halls or hotels. Rough estimates show that it costs about 3 million yen to host a wedding party for 80 guests. During the baburu (Japan’s economic bubble), overseas weddings and flamboyant receptions with special effects such as smoke machines and having the bride and groom fly in on gondolas, were very popular. But these days, couples choose to tie the knot in a variety ways, from not having any ceremony to having a modest affair, or, still going all out.

Happo-en, located in Mintao Ward, Tokyo, performs the most weddings in Japan, offering 3 different wedding styles – a Japanese Shinto-style wedding, a Christian chapel-style wedding and a civil-style wedding. In the Shinto-style wedding, the bride and groom wear kimonos and a kannushi (Shinto priest) performs the ceremony. In the chapel-style, the bride and groom are dressed in a wedding dress and tuxedo, and a Christian clergyman performs the ceremony. Civil weddings have no particular religion so the attire is of the bride and groom’s choice and they make their vows in front of their attending guests.

“When overseas weddings were popular, many couples chose to be wed in a chapel, but recently, we see many guests choose the traditional Shinto-style ceremonies,” says KUMADE Yoko of Happo-en. “I think it is because many Japanese celebrities are getting married in this style, as well as the Japanese tradition being reevaluated and many magazines are featuring weddings in a Japanese kimono. Additionally, the number of civil weddings is gradually increasing, too. It is popular with couples who prefer not to have any religious ambiance and couples who wish to include their friends at their ceremony. We also have more enquiries from international and non-Japanese couples, too,” she says. It seems the Japanese garden and the traditional Japanese hospitality are also appealing to them.

On the other hand, there are also couples that choose inexpensive weddings. While some couples may not plan a banquet at all, others may choose to have a “photo wedding” – where the couple wears wedding attire only to take photos for the celebrated occasion. At BUA Holdings Inc., a couple can have a wedding ceremony for only 49,800 yen. “There are some couples who prefer to spend the same money on a new house or their honeymoon. And there are fewer relatives to invite because compared to the past, we have fewer siblings and when they get married later in their life, their grandparents might have already passed away. As a result, there are more couples who are looking for a more compact wedding ceremony,” says KAWABE Toru, the company’s publicist.

Kawabe continues: “We hope that family ties become stronger through wedding ceremonies. We think this will build the society which values ties that are uniquely Japanese. Recently, international couples that want to have another ceremony in Japan come to us after their ceremony in their partner’s home country. We also have older couples who want to renew their vows because they did not have a ceremony when they first got married.”

The Association of Foreign Wives of Japanese (AFWJ) is a group for women who have all married Japanese men. Their aim is to support each other in blending into Japanese society. One Australian member, Heather FUKASE, had an elaborate wedding since her husband was the first-born son, and traditionally, the heir of the family. “I was surprised because there were so many people we had to invite,” says Fukase, adding that even the town mayor was a guest. And the traditional Japanese order also bewildered her. “I thought that the immediate family should be seated closer to us, but it was not the case,” she recalls.

Canadian AFWJ member Suzanne MIYAKE remembers wearing a kimono at her wedding in her favorite color, pink. “My husband’s father prepared a program in English for my parents and myself,” Suzanne recalls about that day. Another Canadian member, Christelle HATANO, also wore a kimono for her traditional Japanese style wedding. But by the end of the reception, everyone was dancing and it turned out to be just like a reception party in Canada. “Our wedding was a wonderful occasion where two families, two languages and two cultures blended into one,” she fondly remembers.

Traditional Japanese Weddings

Japanese people used to consider marriage to be something that affected the whole family. Therefore, it was common for families to ask a person whom they trusted to be their nakoudo (match maker) in order to arrange a marriage between two families. Once the marriage was approved, the family of the shinrou (groom) would present the family of the shimpu (bride) gifts referred to as the yuinou. Then wedding invitations would be sent out, sometimes in the parents’ names rather than in those of the bride and groom. Today, while many Japanese people consider these beliefs and customs to be old-fashioned, they are however, still being practiced.

The custom of omiai, or matchmaking, has also become rare, but does still exist as the way a man and a woman meet through their nakoudo. Before meeting in person, they exchange photos and confirm background information including hobbies, education, and even family data, to make sure they are both trustworthy.

HAPPO-EN
BUA Holdings Inc.
Association of Foreign Wives of Japanese

Text: SAZAKI Ryo

[2010年6月号掲載記事]

日本の結婚式はほとんどの場合、親戚だけが出席して先に宗教的な儀式を行います。そのあと披露宴になり、友だちや仕事の仲間など、おおぜいが加わるのが一般的です。招かれた人はお祝いとして「ご祝儀」というお金を特別な封筒に入れて持って行きます。友人が結婚するときは2万円、または3万円が相場です。

一般的な披露宴は、新郎新婦の入場から始まります。新郎新婦は正面の少し高い席に招待客と向き合って座ります。招待客は新郎新婦に近い席に、家族や親戚は離れた席に座ります。新郎新婦の上司がお祝いのスピーチをし、友達が歌を歌います。その他よく行われるのは、新郎新婦がキャンドルを持って皆に挨拶して回るキャンドルサービスや、ケーキカットがあります。そして両親に感謝のことばを言ったあと、新郎新婦が退場して披露宴は終わります。

以前の披露宴では、招待客にエビやタイなど縁起がいいといわれる食べ物を食べきれないほど出されました。残った分は持ち帰ってもらいましたが、今は食べ切れる量を出すことが多いです。また、帰るとき、お土産として「引き出物」が渡されます。以前は高価な食器など大きくて見栄えのする品物が好まれました。しかし、今は軽くて持ち運びしやすい上、欲しい品物を選ぶことができるカタログが人気です。

結婚式は、多くの場合、結婚式場やホテルで行われます。80人ほどのお客を招待すると約300万円かかるといわれます。バブルと呼ばれた好景気のときは、海外ウエディングや、スモークがたかれる中、新郎新婦がゴンドラに乗って現れたりなど、派手な披露宴がはやりました。しかし今は、結婚式をしないカップル、安くすませるカップル、豪華に挙げるカップルなどさまざまです。

東京港区にある八芳園は、日本で一番多く利用されている結婚式場です。ここでは神道の神前式、キリスト教のチャペル式、そして人前式の3種類の儀式を用意しています。神前式の場合、新郎新婦は着物で、神主（神道の聖職者）が儀式を行います。チャペル式ではタキシードとウエディングドレスを着て、キリスト教の聖職者が儀式を行います。人前式は、宗教にこだわらない儀式で、好きな服装を選び、出席者の前で誓いのことばを交わします。

「海外ウエディングがとても人気だったころは、ここでもチャペルでの式を行うお客様が多かったのですが、最近は神前式が多くなりました」。と八芳園の熊手葉子さんは話します。「芸能人の神前式結婚が続いたこと、日本の伝統が見直され、雑誌でも和装での挙式を多く取り上げられることが多くなったためだと思います。また人前式を選ぶ方も少しずつ増えています。宗教色を出したくないという方や、儀式に親戚だけでなく友人も呼びたいという方に人気です。最近は国際カップルや外国人同士のカップルからの問い合わせも増えています」。日本庭園や日本独特のおもてなしも気に入られるようです。

一方で、お金をかけない結婚式を選ぶカップルもいます。披露宴をしなかったり、結婚式の衣裳を着て記念の写真を撮る「写真婚」を選んだりする人たちです。株式会社BUAホールディングスでは、49,800円で結婚式を挙げることができます。「結婚式より、新しい家や新婚旅行にお金をかけたい、という方もいます。また昔より、きょうだいの数が減っていたり、結婚する年齢が上がっているために、おじいさん、おばあさんがもう亡くなっていたりして、親戚の数が減っています。そのため、こぢんまりとした結婚式を希望する方も増えています」と広報担当の川辺徹さんは言います。

川辺さんは話します。「結婚式を通して、家族の絆を強くしてほしいですね。それが日本らしい、絆を大事にする社会をつくると思います。最近は、相手の国で結婚式をしたけれど日本でも式を挙げたいという国際結婚のカップルや、昔、結婚式を挙げられなかったので今挙げたいという年配のカップルもいます」。

「日本人の外国人妻の会」は日本人と結婚した女性たちの団体で、日本の社会に溶け込めるようメンバーが助け合うことを目的としています。メンバーの一人、オーストラリア出身の深瀬ヘザーさんは、夫が長男であるため、盛大な披露宴をしました。昔ながらの考え方では、長男が家を継ぐからです。「招待しなければならない人が多いので驚きました」と深瀬さんは言います。町長も招待客の一人でした。また日本で一般的な席順も、深瀬さんには意外でした。「私は、家族が私たちの近くに座るべきだ、と思ったのですが」。

同じくメンバーの一人、カナダ出身の三宅スザンヌさんは自分の好きなピンク色の着物を選んで結婚式を挙げました。「夫の父が、私や私の両親のために英語のプログラムを用意してくれました」と三宅さんは当時をふりかえります。別のメンバー、カナダから来た畑野クリステルさんも着物を着て、日本的な結婚式を挙げました。しかし最後にはみんなが踊り出し、カナダのパーティーと似た披露宴になったそうです。「私たちの結婚式は、二つの家族、二つのことば、そして二つの文化が溶け合ったすばらしいものでした」と畑野さんは思い浮かべます。

日本の伝統的な結婚

日本人は、結婚を家族全体の問題と考えてきました。そのため、信頼できる人を仲人（結婚の仲介をする人）に頼み、男性の家族と女性の家族との間で結婚を決めるのが一般的でした。結婚が決まると新郎（男性）の家から新婦（女性）の家へ、結納と呼ばれるプレゼントが贈られました。結婚式の招待状を、結婚する二人の名前ではなく親の名前で送ることもありました。このような考え方や習慣は、古いと考える人が多くなりましたが、今でも残っています。

「お見合い」の習慣は減りましたが、男性と女性が仲人を通して知り合う方法はまだ残っています。会う前にお互いの写真を交換し、趣味や学歴だけでなく家族の情報も確認し、信頼できる人なのか判断します。

八芳園
株式会社BUA ホールディングス
日本人の外国人妻の会

文：砂崎　良